i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
