Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
