just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
