CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
