i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My bed smells like the plague
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
