I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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