I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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