Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
