I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
