i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
