I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
