why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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