matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
