Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
