Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
