I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
