wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
