Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
