I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
