I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
