I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
