The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
