Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ketchup is God's man juice
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
