She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I see more hoeing in ur future
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