plz talk dirty to me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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