Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
