if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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