Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
