I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
