I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
