I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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