I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
