Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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