The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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