headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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