mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
