I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize