I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
