New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
