i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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