Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
