I want to walk on stilts...naked
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
