i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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