He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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