Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
