worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
