Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
