If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
