would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
