It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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