god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
