so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
