she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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