Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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